Ritual

I went to a bridal shower this weekend.  It was a wonderful party; outstanding food and drink and good company. It was traditional, with games and prizes and kindness;  a ritual in preparation for a ritual.

Life traditions, rituals, mark events to be sure that we take notice.  They seal in our minds, and in the minds of those around us, the seriousness of the undertaking we are pursuing. Marriage is an undertaking, if you'll pardon the obvious pun.  A lifelong labor to connect with another human being in any and in all conditions, it challenges.

The marriage ceremony and the rituals leading up to it attempt to prepare and to encourage the people entertaining the thought of marriage, to take the process seriously. It is also to help them get a running start; we help them to set up their home, and remind them that love inspires while companionship steadies. Those of us who are now older, know the days and nights of illness, worry, disappointment and fear.  We know the happiness, joy, wonder and fulfillment. They dream: we are in the trenches on their mountaintop.

The ceremony for many is a religious event witnessed by God, and typically by friends and family as well. The ritual takes us through a portal of experience which bends our lives to a new perspective; nothing is the same after a twenty minute set of speeches.  We have committed. What we commit varies from individual to individual; regardless, our lives have entered a prism and have come out differently.  Ritual helps us know that we are not dreaming or making up the feeling. It has been noted and repeated over generations, to sear the experience into our hearts and our souls.

We focus on the rite, because we can all share in that event and so we celebrate together; the living part is more private. When the living gets difficult or a moment of reflection about good fortune arrives, the ritual makes it easier to remember the fullness of our experience; it makes our lives richer in breadth and depth. The sharing of the ritual binds us not only to a spouse, but to all who speak those words: it does.