An Error in Judgement

My neighbors had a beautiful cat, who has, alas gone to "kitty heaven."  He had a thick luxurious coat covering his large frame and muscular body.  He loved to come over and rub up against the leg of anybody (everybody) who would pet him and speak nicely to him. Eventually he would flop over onto his side and roll over on his back, like a dog, begging to have his tummy rubbed.  Woe to those who fell for this trick! One touch and the errant finger on his upturned belly entered the domain of the sharpest claws I have ever encountered in any cat.  The claws would instantly, from all four paws, simultaneously, close upon your unsuspecting, loving hand, drawing blood and obvious feline delight from this clearly confused creature.  Not thirty seconds later, he would amiably rub up against you and try to entice again.  Once I thought,  perhaps I had hit a sore spot on his poor hunter's body. Nope, he was just a deceptive, clever, beautiful, purring feline human trap.

I fall into all kinds of human traps.  I am very gullible.  A priest once told me it was one of my finest qualities, but he was after all, a priest.  I find it one of my most annoying and embarrassing.  I trust, I believe...until I get cynical. Once a person arrives at cynical it is hard to overturn; it often takes me an hour or so.

There are exceptions of course and I can hold a real grudge forever, but my grudges are always mixed with the feelings of love or affection, hope or joy that led me to trust in the first place.  The result is that many of my feelings become mixed and confused; thus decision making becomes clouded through past experience.  Nevertheless, like staying in art despite the knowledge that it is unlikely to win me respect or success in any worldly way, I continue to find avoidance of art or of human caring an impossibility; I have tried.

In a quiz I took today on some silly online site, I was asked "What super power would you choose?" I answerable as I always choose- invisibility. However, I realize that dreams of hiding cannot save me from cat's claws or from human tsk tsks.  It can't let me avoid being tapped for help and then smacked on the nose for my way of helping either. What I require is self control; if I could just keep quiet  - oops I am blogging.