Let The Painting Win

Oh my I have been silent for a while.  I have been involved in a fiasco of visual nonsense.  I knew I could not see as well as I would like and went to the optometrist to see what was wrong.  I described being aware of the orbit of my left eye and my concern that I might have some sort of infection.  She wrote me a new prescription for glasses.  I bought them. Not only were the frames a little scary (people stopped smiling at me in public) but I could not see more than five feet with them on.  At five feet everything was crystal clear, but beyond that - nothing!. Thank goodness my optician is an ethical businessman who refunded me the entire price!

Back to square one, went to the ophthalmologist who have saved the vision of my son and of  my husband. He gets it right with a diagnosis of dry eye; a condition which he said is caused by eighty percent of prescription drugs.  Since I am on many prescription drugs, this was a good bet.  Two drops a few times a day and I can see again and I no longer feel my eye saying hello all the time. What a journey; but the end is happy.

In the meantime, I have been working like crazy trying to get my large canvasses in shape for a show in January.  They are arguing with me.  Today, I finally, in a fit of  rage, gave in to the largest one.  It wants to be something different than I had in mind.

I had to speak to another person in the building, about a small, but important item.  When I walked into her office she said to me "You look mad."  I said 'I am, the painting and I are arguing and it's no use, the paintings always win.  I just have to get used to it and I am mad." At that point, though she looked intrigued, I think the dominant theme in her mind was  - this woman is nuts!  The reality is though, that I can waste hours trying to make it do what I want, with a net result of compliance but not excellence, or I can let it be what it wants and find something new, of which I had never conceived. The duty of the artist is to listen.

Rather than painting right away, in rage, I went out to help a friend with her art, as she prepares for an exhibition that has to be set up tomorrow.  Seeing her beautiful work and spending time with her got me into the right frame of mind to be brave; and loving.  I have reworked the image.  It is better, unusual, but better.  It has a way to go, and it is not what I wanted, but it is better.  In humbling my ego, the painting wins and so we both win.

Art is less inanimate than you might think.